Well, I am really trying to cut down on my food intake over today and tomorrow as this will help me get in to ketosis quicker and hopefully help the withdrawal symptoms i encountered last time not to be quite so severe.
This is a bit of a difference for me as before when i did it, I really went to town the last few days before i started as i looked upon it as my 'last chance' to eat nice stuff. But i really have reached the point this time where the stuff isn't 'nice' anymore - it is making me very unhappy so I don't like it very much!I suppose you could say me and the drap 'food' i eat have officially fallen out!
My counsellor is coming round at 5 tomorrow so I will post after he has been. Actually really looking forward to Tuesday and finally being free!
Sunday 3 August 2008
Saturday 2 August 2008
I have been thinking a lot about why I gave up last time and I think it was a combination of a few things: firstly I thought the hardest part was the first couple of days (so I had been told) before ketosis kicks in, so it was a bit of a shock when i felt so bloody awful on day 6 - I guess I thought i had got away with it! The other thing is i think i started on it for the wrong reasons. Even though I was morbidy obese, I was (and still am) an active girl who walked everywhere, went to the gym and didn't really have the compliants many people my size do. So i was losing weight really to please my family and look nice at my wedding, rather than just doing it because I needed to and more importantly, really wanted to.
So what has changed? Well, a strange calmness has descended on me since getting married - its the added security I guess (not that I was insecure in my relationship before) and I made the conscious decision to look out for me a bit more, instead of trying to please everyone else, often to my own detriment.
I also know that not having mobility and other health problems at my current weight, makes me lucky and its not okay to keep thinking I'll be this lucky for much longer. I am 28 which means at the moment age is on my side, but not for long. So basically, my luck is running out.
Plus the other thing is, even though it is not impacting on my mobility severely (although it does obviously have an impact - i can't run anywhere and my feet, back and knees ache when I get in from work), my weight has a huge impact on my emotional well-being. I rarely go out to parties because it is such a hassle worrying about what i am going to wear and whether people will be calling me fat behind my back that I always make excuses. I know my husband must get fed up with telling people I have a headache, or I am feeling sick and so couldn't make it.
I certainly haven't been out pubbing/clubbing for years and even though it doesn't appeal to me as much now I am a bit older, I long to just got out, feeling a million dollars and dance the night away without a care in the world!
I have been feeling more and more strongly that I need to take control of my life and start doing some of the things I have been missing out on all these years. I looked in to gastric bypass surgery, but the idea has never sat well with me. For a start, it is permanent and you have to take vitamins for the rest of my life. Also, I read up on it and there's a 1 in 100 chance of me dying from it.
So, after a long think and lots of internet searching/reading I have decided to give Cambridge another go. I feel a lot more forewarned this time and I am trying to view this as a choice, rather than something I am trapped doing.
My new CDC travels to my house which is a bonus so he is coming Monday and I am satrting Tuesday. My husband is away from Tuesday night to wednesday the following week so my first aim is to be able to tell him i got through the first 9 days when he gets back.
Anyway, enough rambling! Time for tea... :-) xx
So what has changed? Well, a strange calmness has descended on me since getting married - its the added security I guess (not that I was insecure in my relationship before) and I made the conscious decision to look out for me a bit more, instead of trying to please everyone else, often to my own detriment.
I also know that not having mobility and other health problems at my current weight, makes me lucky and its not okay to keep thinking I'll be this lucky for much longer. I am 28 which means at the moment age is on my side, but not for long. So basically, my luck is running out.
Plus the other thing is, even though it is not impacting on my mobility severely (although it does obviously have an impact - i can't run anywhere and my feet, back and knees ache when I get in from work), my weight has a huge impact on my emotional well-being. I rarely go out to parties because it is such a hassle worrying about what i am going to wear and whether people will be calling me fat behind my back that I always make excuses. I know my husband must get fed up with telling people I have a headache, or I am feeling sick and so couldn't make it.
I certainly haven't been out pubbing/clubbing for years and even though it doesn't appeal to me as much now I am a bit older, I long to just got out, feeling a million dollars and dance the night away without a care in the world!
I have been feeling more and more strongly that I need to take control of my life and start doing some of the things I have been missing out on all these years. I looked in to gastric bypass surgery, but the idea has never sat well with me. For a start, it is permanent and you have to take vitamins for the rest of my life. Also, I read up on it and there's a 1 in 100 chance of me dying from it.
So, after a long think and lots of internet searching/reading I have decided to give Cambridge another go. I feel a lot more forewarned this time and I am trying to view this as a choice, rather than something I am trapped doing.
My new CDC travels to my house which is a bonus so he is coming Monday and I am satrting Tuesday. My husband is away from Tuesday night to wednesday the following week so my first aim is to be able to tell him i got through the first 9 days when he gets back.
Anyway, enough rambling! Time for tea... :-) xx
Well, I'm back again!
I feel awful reading my previous posts as I seemed so enthusiastic! As you might have guessed I gave up doing the CD after only 6 days. I found it so very hard and went through the classic 'I can just go back to SW and do it properly instead of torturing myself on this mad diet' train of thought and talking myself (very easily) in to giving up on CD.
I think there were also several others reason why i failed that time - I'll go in to them more later, but hence to say I am starting CD on Tuesday and this time there is no question in my mind about whether i will succeed or not.
I intend to post regularly on here as I find other people's so interesting, although if no-one reads this I really don't mind - it is just nice having somewhere to pour your heart out to each day!
I think there were also several others reason why i failed that time - I'll go in to them more later, but hence to say I am starting CD on Tuesday and this time there is no question in my mind about whether i will succeed or not.
I intend to post regularly on here as I find other people's so interesting, although if no-one reads this I really don't mind - it is just nice having somewhere to pour your heart out to each day!
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