I have been thinking a lot about why I gave up last time and I think it was a combination of a few things: firstly I thought the hardest part was the first couple of days (so I had been told) before ketosis kicks in, so it was a bit of a shock when i felt so bloody awful on day 6 - I guess I thought i had got away with it! The other thing is i think i started on it for the wrong reasons. Even though I was morbidy obese, I was (and still am) an active girl who walked everywhere, went to the gym and didn't really have the compliants many people my size do. So i was losing weight really to please my family and look nice at my wedding, rather than just doing it because I needed to and more importantly, really wanted to.

So what has changed? Well, a strange calmness has descended on me since getting married - its the added security I guess (not that I was insecure in my relationship before) and I made the conscious decision to look out for me a bit more, instead of trying to please everyone else, often to my own detriment.

I also know that not having mobility and other health problems at my current weight, makes me lucky and its not okay to keep thinking I'll be this lucky for much longer. I am 28 which means at the moment age is on my side, but not for long. So basically, my luck is running out.

Plus the other thing is, even though it is not impacting on my mobility severely (although it does obviously have an impact - i can't run anywhere and my feet, back and knees ache when I get in from work), my weight has a huge impact on my emotional well-being. I rarely go out to parties because it is such a hassle worrying about what i am going to wear and whether people will be calling me fat behind my back that I always make excuses. I know my husband must get fed up with telling people I have a headache, or I am feeling sick and so couldn't make it.

I certainly haven't been out pubbing/clubbing for years and even though it doesn't appeal to me as much now I am a bit older, I long to just got out, feeling a million dollars and dance the night away without a care in the world!

I have been feeling more and more strongly that I need to take control of my life and start doing some of the things I have been missing out on all these years. I looked in to gastric bypass surgery, but the idea has never sat well with me. For a start, it is permanent and you have to take vitamins for the rest of my life. Also, I read up on it and there's a 1 in 100 chance of me dying from it.

So, after a long think and lots of internet searching/reading I have decided to give Cambridge another go. I feel a lot more forewarned this time and I am trying to view this as a choice, rather than something I am trapped doing.

My new CDC travels to my house which is a bonus so he is coming Monday and I am satrting Tuesday. My husband is away from Tuesday night to wednesday the following week so my first aim is to be able to tell him i got through the first 9 days when he gets back.

Anyway, enough rambling! Time for tea... :-) xx